Paul's World!

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(Source: ungoth)

Oboe

Man sometimes oboe is just so stressful. I think the only reason why I question if I even want to do this is because of my situation right now and the way things are going. I don’t know if I’m happy with how things are run here. I don’t ever really have a say in anything, and the only way I get to have a go at things are, well basically behind people’s back. I got a call back from the Air Force band for an audition which now I don’t even know if I’ll be “allowed” to take. If it wasn’t for me sending in the tape on my own… I wouldn’t even know if I would get a call or not. Now that my junior recital is coming up… Which I had no say in what I wanted to play it’s starting to sink in that I have 3 semesters left and I have yet to partake in something that was completely my decision or me wanting to do. That just kind of bums me out. I know it’s all for the greater good and I should listen to the people who know best. But it’s college, I only get to do this once, and doing it in the footsteps of somebody else leaves me to believe that I’m not an individual. Hmm. Kinda deep… Oh well. Maybe I’ll just have to rough out the rest of the way and really lay out my options after that. I don’t even know what I am going to do at this point, or better yet, who I want to be. I haven’t had the chance to step out of these perimeters and see for myself what is out there and what other options there are. I thought I would always enjoy playing the oboe. Sometimes, I have to wonder.

happy

happiness comes in so many ways that are so unexpected. but when its there, there is nothing better.